dear online diary that the whole internet can read,

[isozyme]

we went to see a Mother Mother concert in nyc last week and it was excellent, i love them and the lightshow was excellent and their lead guy has gotten wicked good at guitar since the last time we saw them live.  also i took over my friends' kitchen to make kouign amann, which scratched my puff pastry itch.  also, delicious.  also, i'm going to make croissants next.  maybe the itch wasn't so much scratched as enabled.  homemade flaky pastry is really really good, guys.

i have art to hang -- an audubon-style print of a bird, a cool modernist print on silver-backed glass, a huge mirror and huger painting on canvas to put up when they get delivered on wednesday, and two prints (one intaglio, one probably a screenprint) to find frames for.  i also need to assemble the cat tree that's currently in a box on the stoop.  our hunt for a new couch is ongoing; we really need a new couch.  the arm is coming off of our current one and it's depending on the wall for structural integrity.

got a lot of thoughts about the accessibility of art museums, still.  that's a LONG essay series.

i'm waiting for the doctor because your girl is having a gazillion heart palpitations!  it's a stupid thing to run to the student health center for, because the entire internet says that heart palpitations are no big deal, but this is too many for me to feel chill about, so off to the doc i go.  i have been telling myself that it's a non-worrying medication side-effect and all i need to do is either deal with it or lay off the caffeine, but my anxiety is latching onto it and yelling "BUT WHAT IF YOU DIE" so it's time to go have a doctor tell me to lay off the caffeine and i'll be fine.

i took my pulse just now and it went 19 beats, wiggle-skip, 11 beats, wiggle-skip, 20 beats, wiggle-skip, 24 beats, wiggle-skip.  i don't like it!  that's too many! it's been doing that for several hours a day since thursday night!  bad!  (also i've got some tightness in my chest and i'm lightheaded because i'm fretting too much and i woke up in a cold sweat last night and -- you see how the anxiety is.)

Comments

[momijizukamori]

yeah that sounds like the kind of thing where it's better safe than sorry, particularly if you have insurance - I asked to have an EKG done when I started meds with known cardiac risks (stimulants and triptans) because even though my family doesn't have a history of heart-problems other than the smoking-and-terrible-diet kind I wanted reassurance I was unlikely to keel over from sudden heart failure or something.

That sounds less like a sofa and more like the distant memory of a sofa. Good luck with your quest - I'm currently using a sofa from the 80s my last landlord gave me when he got a nicer living room set, because it is extremely comfortable and once I re-upholstered it, not actually ugly any more.

[isozyme]

When I'm more competent with my sewing machine I want to learn how to make slipcovers so that I can have new upholstery fabric without committing to whatever LOUD brocade I fall in love with forever and ever.

It is VERY comforting to have a doctor say "yes that's scary but you are normal" when you're worried about something as important as your heart. I need my heart to live! It's gotta work ALL THE TIME, not some of the time!!! Turns out I'm okay, as expected, so I get to stop being anxious about it :)

[contrarianarchon]

+Empathy for need for new couch; my "Sitting on while using the internet" sofa is falling to pieces as well.

(Best of luck with medical things, though I don't have any advice to speak of)

[isozyme]

WE WILL FIND A COUCH THAT DOESN'T SUCK!!! I want one with back support very badly, and also would like a color that isn't grey + cat hairs.

I am safe and not sorry! Having your heart do weird stuff is no fun at all, and EKGs are very reassuring. There's lots of graphs. Graphs are comforting to me. Also, a hilarious number of stickers.

[contrarianarchon]

Excellent! I'm glad you are doing fine according to the powers of science.

(The color of your couch will always be +cat hairs, though, if your cats are anything like ours)

[isozyme]

It's a good thing our cats are Good Boys or else their rampant destruction of our shit wouldn't fly

[stellar_dust]

Good luck at the doctor! I've had similar scares recently, which they tell me is anxiety, but it's so hard to believe that sometimes. :/

[isozyme]

Anxiety being able to cause physical reactions is OP, @devs pls nerf

[stellar_dust]

It is the absolute worst and I hate it! I'm glad your appointment went well, EKGs are indeed reassuring.

[isozyme]

How can you be worried when the hospital's got stickers and wires!!

[spikethemuffin]

If you want my unsolicited opinion, you are the one who inhabits your body, and your internal "that's alarming," should never be pooh-poohed.

[isozyme]

Thank you <3

It helps to be reassured that I'm not a total hypochondriac and it's okay to be concerned about my body. This is one of the perils of my general "walk it off, champ" approach to physical health.

[spikethemuffin]

I seriously ruined my health and put a horrible dent in my life with the "walk it off, champ," attitude to health -- lost a job that I'd had for ten years, irreversibly traumatized my young daughter, permanently damaged my body, and sent the person I thought of as the love of my life into the arms of another woman. Even without that lens distorting my perception, "My heart is doing things that feel weird and alarming," is a REASONABLE thing to be alarmed about -- a "check engine" light for physical health.

[manyblinkinglights]

+1 like