/shrieks like a harpy, flies into the sun

[isozyme]

 told my boss of 6 years that, hey, could you call my AJ, that's what i go by these days
(it's been years, plural)

spent the whole time wanting to shout IT'S NOT A GENDER THING, DON'T TREAT ME LIKE IT'S A GENDER THING
(it's a gender thing)

JUST PLEASE CALL ME MY NAME AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
(don't think questions.  don't think about it at all, please, i don't want anyone to analyze. i want people to say "hi aj" not "hi [anything else]."  i want it to be invisible like everyone else's fucking name is invisible)

THIS IS NOT FOR YOU.  YOU DON'T NEED A SINGLE REASON FROM ME.  DON'T GO LOOKING FOR EXPLANATIONS.  FOR YOU, THIS IS NOT A GENDER THING.  

"you must be the new rotation student, hi, bailey, right?"
"hi! are you allison"
"yeah, i'm AJ"
wait, no, that response didn't make sense
and there's coworkers around who don't know who AJ is
and i don't talk about this, i never talk about this
but i'm not introducing myself as anything else anymore, it's a reflex, it's my name --
"sorry my name is [that other thing] but i go by AJ"
and maybe the coworkers will just pick it up and i won't have to FUCKING DO THIS FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM

IT'S JUST A THING.  AN UNMARKED THING.  A NO-INFORMATION THING.  VERY BORING.
it's just my fucking name, leave me alone, fuck.

hell.
imma smoke a bowl and write some absolutely FILTHY lesbian fucking, and anyone who wants to stop me can eat my whole goddamn ass.

Comments

[chickiedeare]

I hope you enjoy the SHIT out of that bowl.

[isozyme]

YOU KNOW I DID

[manyblinkinglights]

+1 like

[spikethemuffin]

If girlsmut is your reaction to it, I am calling you "Alison" every day and mentioning it like I've just read Dale Carnegie.

Okay, kidding, but I love the name because there are so very many different ways to spell it and they all mean "truth."

[contrarianarchon]

Something something perverse incentives.

[isozyme]

i know this is a joke but forreal me and the name my parents/coworkers call me are on VERY BAD TERMS right now. i have a tough time typing it. it makes me flinch. it is not...the best way to get hot porn out of me.

much better method: AO3 comments on my already posted lesbo fucking. that one works a charm

[spikethemuffin]

Ugh, sorry. I do need to be better about leaving comments; either I get tongue-tied or I plan it out so much in my head that I think I've left a comment when I hadn't. Girl!Stark in that one just... I dunno. You know how there are covers of songs that are so amazingly good that they make you appreciate the original better? Your fic was like the Joan Jett and the Blackhearts cover of "Let's Do It." Which may not mean anything to a whippersnapper like you, but it's high (and deserved) praise. Perfect translation, perfect key and instrument transcription. If that helps. Even if it doesn't.

Can I just say that it's some seriously forked-up mojo to use your very name as a blunt instrument, all kidding aside? Can you carry a spray bottle and squirt them whenever they do it? Yell "Eh-eh!" like you've caught a cat about to jump on the kitchen counter? (Okay, I know it's not but I'm already fantasizing about it on your behalf.)

[isozyme]

I am in passionate love with every version of f!tony, and will continue to write her forever, honestly. I also feel a political obligation to write women getting nasty with each other in a way that shows lesbians do, in fact, experience A LOT of sexual desire, and isn't for straight dudes to wank to.

[chickiedeare]

btw- the part where you said "wait, no, that response didn't make sense"... in my mind, if someone said that to me, that would totally make sense? like [confirmation that this is the person I'm looking for/have in mind] + [actual form of address] totally tracks.

[isozyme]

that's actually really comforting to hear! it's my knee-jerk response so i'm glad it's not entirely inscrutable.

a good thing, i guess, is that even when i used to tell people they could call me either, people somehow always picked AJ. it's so gratifying to know that the name fits with my outside as well as my inside.